The Life Cycle
Written by Deborah Tuesday, 30 March 2010 18:49
Many of us may remember teachers and older relatives assuming to know all about our future lives when we were barely able to walk. The life plan is a given for most people - birth, childhood, primary & secondary school, adolescence, adulthood, perhaps University, the military or an apprenticeship, career/work, marriage, parenthood, retirement and the end of life.
I’ve heard it called the “life cycle”….preaching to the converted, but that life plan is changing…
I read recently that babies born this year and for the next 15 years will form part of Generation Alpha. One fact jumped out at me: One third of women in this generation will never have children. One third…33% That number didn’t really surprise me, like many of you, I’ve noticed the changes over my lifetime.
I kept my surname when I married in 1989 and the reaction was extreme. My concerned father-in-law even cautioned us it might not be legal. Now a woman choosing to keep her own surname barely raises an eyebrow in most circles. Gradually the odd or different becomes more normal and acceptable, as more people are exposed to the change and increasing numbers join the minority group. Slowly we reach a place of acceptance. The same thing has happened with other groups like homosexuals and working mothers.
I suspect the childfree of Generation Alpha will find their decision more acceptable to most people. If 33% of women have no children of their own, they can hardly be considered a tiny minority or a passing fad. In fact, the number of childfree has been on the rise for decades now. Increasingly, people see parenthood as an option.
There are still pockets of conservatism and traditionalism, but look around and more and more people are choosing less predictable lifestyles – some will never marry, some will choose never to have children and more people are vocal and confident about their choices.
One thing ensures the increasing acceptance of the childfree life - all of us, our very existence. Every person we touch in our lives can put a face to “childfree” people…we stop being a foreign and bizarre concept. As our numbers grow, more people will have the childfree in their own families. The childfree person becomes “Auntie Di” or “Uncle John”. I see it in my own family…
My 18 year old nephew has corrected teachers who assume parenthood is in everyone’s future. Over the years we’ve discussed with him our decision not to have children and why it was the right fit for us. He doesn’t find anything strange or unusual about the childfree lifestyle and has several childfree relatives on both sides of his family. We’re all just people he loves. In fact he enjoys having childfree aunts and uncles and values the time and opportunities that come his way. His relatives with children are too busy with their own families to establish close relationships with other children.
He told me recently that we’re all his friends as well as relatives. I know my nephew’s parents welcome the assistance they’ve received over the years and believe these influences have shaped their son in many positive ways. Personally, I regard my nephew as a child of the family.
After 18 years of interaction with the childfree, my nephew finds it strange when someone criticizes the childfree. He simply sees the CF as people who’ve exercised a choice, not renegades, selfish, unnatural or anything else. I feel this will happen more and more…families will be defined differently.
Some people have children to secure their old age - pretty shaky insurance. In many ways we get the best of both worlds, the lives we love and in many cases, a rich connection with the next generation. I’m sure my relationship with my nephew will continue for the rest of my life and the bonus is…any contact, either way, will be prompted by love & friendship, not duty or obligation. In my opinion, talk about a win: win situation
Of course, I don’t NEED my nephew to fill any gap in my own life; my life is full and satisfying and stands alone. I won’t be calling my nephew daily to fill my hours in retirement or expecting him to call by and change a light globe. My husband and I have always lived an independent life and have never relied on anyone and that will continue into our old age. If need be, we have the resources to hire a nurse or other help.
I see children fitting into the life cycle in all sorts of ways and the expectation that all people will parent at some stage of their lives will change…increasingly, there will be an acceptance that you might parent, you might not…
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