Bluemoo212 has written a new article about being friends with the childed. You can read it here: http://www.thechildfreelife.com/index.p ... sting-time

Great article! This is a subject that has been going through my head a lot lately since all of my friends are having kids.

loved it.

I've tried inviting my married-with-babies friends out with zero success. Even something as simple as a movie, with a week's advance notice gets turned down. They give so many excuses (no sitter, too tired, too late, baby has a cold, etc.) that I wonder if they have just lost complete interest outside of their magnificent bundle of joy. I'm happy that family life is so wonderful, but it feels as if they're content to pull down the shutters on the outside world. Of course, I'm always welcome to drop by to visit, play with the baby, see the latest pictures and hear how everything is going...

I totally get it. That article very much came from a place of me trying my best, but I do wonder how long I can manage that and if that best will be good enough to keep some of my friendships going. It's complicated.

That fairly sums up all of the friendships that I've had with friends who became parents, with one exception: single moms. I don't know why, but the single moms seem to be more dynamic, more independent and take care of themselves better. They have interest in dating/men, clothes, work (because they have to), etc. They tend to their friendships well. I have never minded sitting for my single mom friends, not once.

What's really disconcerting is that once the kids get into the gangly, awkward adolescent stage and my mom friends are no longer enamored with their cuteness or prodigiousness (read: once it's becomes apparent that their child is going to be quite average), they try to mend fences. But so much time has passed by that time. That's pretty much what's going on with a lot of my friends now.

Very good article. I applaud you Bluemoo, for hanging in there with your friends.
When a friend had a kid it was often a dealbreaker for me. I ditched a number of people early in my life when they became overwhelmed with childcare tasks. This was before the era of the helicopter parent and the sancti-mommy, but the simple appropriate chores of parenting were enough to bore me to tears.
Some lifestyle differences are just too huge to bridge. If someone is an obsessed parent that's enough to make me head for the door.
Just call me small minded and mean......
Jane

I very much believe friendship is a two way street and if the other person is no longer interested in maintaining a friendship with me then i move on.

I think its sad when other peoples lives get so taken over that they cant spare five minutes to keep in touch with a freind

perhaps I'm just deluding myself! I have been through waves of emotion on this one, before writing the article and since.

A very true and poignant article, one which I can certainly identify with.

When many of my close friends became pregnant they ended up moving half way across the country to be close to their parents (childcare). Once the baby was born the phone calls dried up and when I contacted them they were pleased to hear from me and invited me down for the weekend to visit. However, if I invited them to come up and visit me they would politely decline as if travelling was now out of the question. I understand that life becomes more difficult and restrictive with a baby but I feel sad that I have to do all the work to keep any friendship alive.

I agree with the post about single mothers. I am no expert (I only know one single mother, so it is hardly representative) but she is just great. She is a wonderful mother but always tries to make time for going out and catching up with child free gossip. This makes me more inclined to try hard with her son and I now take him to tennis coaching and he occasionally comes round for sleep overs with his mother.

However, I do have another friend with a lovely baby (quiet and smiley) and she often calls me. I mustn't complain, but she always calls during the day when I am work (and my boss is standing over me!). When I tell her that I am working she always sounds supprised and a bit hurt. I guess it sometimes works both ways - we all lead busy lives and those with and without children have such different lives, revolving around contrasting timetables.